Monday, June 29, 2009

United States of Arrogance

Anyone who has been to an American embassy knows how arrogant the workers are. Well everyone from security guard to primary review officer is arrogant. The closer you get to your interviewer the nicer they get. I went in to get my visa today and as usual they did not fail to piss me off. I wanted to be a smart ass with them but the timing was not right. I mean, at the airport if they try it that's when I usually strike.

Once, I was returning from London and the jobless officer started asking me questions

Officer: Where is your itinerary?
Maiya: You don't need that these days, I mean all you have to do is insert your passport in the machine or even your last name would usually suffice.


See how this boy vex eh begin dey ask me all manner of questions.

Officer: Where did you stay in the UK?
Maiya: Hilton Metropol in London
Officer: What line of work are you into?
Maiya: I don't work I'm a student.
(Duh I'm 18, which job will I be doing that will pay for frequent traveling)
Officer: Who paid for your trip
Maiya: My mother
Officer: What line of work is she into?


I wanted to say, "She sleeps with men and runs away with their hard earned dollars before they wake up in the morning", but I stuck with:

Maiya: She's retired

This other time I was going to Philadelphia for a course at University of Pennsylvania but I didn't have a letter from my school confirming this. The officer looked at my passport and saw that I had studied at Harvard University a while back.

Officer: You went to Harvard so I can assume you're not lying right?
Maiya: Well you can only hope so.


He laughed. Thank God.

There were so many things I wanted to say to those embassy people today but I for no get visa so I withheld with the promise that I will definitely blog about it.

To the woman who sent me back because I had my laptop sleeve. She said, "It looks too much like a bag".

Maiya: Well a cat looks a lot like a Lion but by definition it is not a lion. If you wanted envelopes, paper sleeves etc. you should be more specific instead of saying we would not like x and y and when I bring z you'd say it's too much like x and y so I cannot accept that.

To the short and robust androgynous woman that summoned me to the building with her index finger.

Maiya: Oh I thought you we're addressing your slave or something I am not usually spoken to in that way. I was made to believe those days are over.

To the primary review officer that stopped attending to me so he can have a nice chat with his friends.

(After the first minute)

Maiya: That's rather rude.

(After about 2 and a half minutes of waiting)

Maiya: Na condition wey make crayfish back bend. No be your fault, Na your mama wey no carry cane flog you, na im I blame.See as you carry your fish eye dey do like sey na only water dey inside your head. If I catch you for outside I go pluck your eyes commot.


Phew.
That feel's good.

7 comments:

  1. I really hate how they speak to people at the embassy, honest!!

    ...na serious condition make crayfish bend
    because even security men sef,get liver hiss.

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  2. LMAO!!! SO u no even get liver to tel dem all dis one face to face lol. STand up 4 ur right even in the face of rejection lol.

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  3. ~Chi-Chi~
    My dear you feel me those people deserve a beating.Haven't stopped by your blog in a bit I'd be sure to do so ASAP.

    ~Sir Scribbles~
    Some times in life you have to kiss ass to get what you want. Don't find trouble when its not calling you oh. When you stand up finish, tell me and I'd send you a congratulations card...if you are still alive.

    ~RocNaija~
    How I go talk now? They for just carry me go prison and cancel my visa for life!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I totally agree, its at the immigration people that are even the worst, soooo fucking rude!!awon ode oshi!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see you deleted your post.. :(
    Sad story though..

    ReplyDelete
  6. ~Tinu~
    You already know it...mumus of the highest order.

    ~Roc~
    I had to edit it. It's back up though.

    ReplyDelete