Anyone who has been to an American embassy knows how arrogant the workers are. Well everyone from security guard to primary review officer is arrogant. The closer you get to your interviewer the nicer they get. I went in to get my visa today and as usual they did not fail to piss me off. I wanted to be a smart ass with them but the timing was not right. I mean, at the airport if they try it that's when I usually strike.
Once, I was returning from London and the jobless officer started asking me questions
Officer: Where is your itinerary?
Maiya: You don't need that these days, I mean all you have to do is insert your passport in the machine or even your last name would usually suffice.
See how this boy vex eh begin dey ask me all manner of questions.
Officer: Where did you stay in the UK?
Maiya: Hilton Metropol in London
Officer: What line of work are you into?
Maiya: I don't work I'm a student.
(Duh I'm 18, which job will I be doing that will pay for frequent traveling)
Officer: Who paid for your trip
Maiya: My mother
Officer: What line of work is she into?
I wanted to say, "She sleeps with men and runs away with their hard earned dollars before they wake up in the morning", but I stuck with:
Maiya: She's retired
This other time I was going to Philadelphia for a course at University of Pennsylvania but I didn't have a letter from my school confirming this. The officer looked at my passport and saw that I had studied at Harvard University a while back.
Officer: You went to Harvard so I can assume you're not lying right?
Maiya: Well you can only hope so.
He laughed. Thank God.
There were so many things I wanted to say to those embassy people today but I for no get visa so I withheld with the promise that I will definitely blog about it.
To the woman who sent me back because I had my laptop sleeve. She said, "It looks too much like a bag".
Maiya: Well a cat looks a lot like a Lion but by definition it is not a lion. If you wanted envelopes, paper sleeves etc. you should be more specific instead of saying we would not like x and y and when I bring z you'd say it's too much like x and y so I cannot accept that.
To the short and robust androgynous woman that summoned me to the building with her index finger.
Maiya: Oh I thought you we're addressing your slave or something I am not usually spoken to in that way. I was made to believe those days are over.
To the primary review officer that stopped attending to me so he can have a nice chat with his friends.
(After the first minute)
Maiya: That's rather rude.
(After about 2 and a half minutes of waiting)
Maiya: Na condition wey make crayfish back bend. No be your fault, Na your mama wey no carry cane flog you, na im I blame.See as you carry your fish eye dey do like sey na only water dey inside your head. If I catch you for outside I go pluck your eyes commot.
That feel's good.